The other day my husband called me on his way home from work (as usual) and we discussed our plans for the evening. His exact words were, “I’m stopping to pick up some milk, then I’m coming home to pay attention to you.”
HOME RUN, BABY!
And I told him so. I ALWAYS tell him when says or does the right thing. Especially when it’s EXACTLY the right thing.
He’s learning. You would think he’d be an expert on how to keep a woman happy at this point, wouldn’t you? After all, I am the creator of this site and I constantly spout off advice for other men to follow.
But it turns out that he’s human like everyone else. We all need a little help now and then. Even I have some “off” days.
But here’s my point. When he informed me that he was going to come home and pay attention to me, I felt happy, loved, appreciated, adored, important, warm and fuzzy…all at the same time. Letting me know this was his intention did not take away from it – on the contrary, it made it into a “thing” or an activity to look forward to. The anticipation of it was half the fun.
You know how guys look forward to sex when they know for sure it is going to happen? Same thing.
That simple comment he made turned my whole day around. My day wasn’t totally bad to begin with, but he made it MUCH better.
You know, I have lots of articles on this site and many of them deal with how men can make women happy. Sometimes it feels like I am rewriting the same article over and over because I am always saying the same thing:
TIME and ATTENTION!!!
This is what women have wanted since the beginning of time, and it’s what we will want till the end of time.
But we are not complete attention hogs. We do not want attention from everyone, only from our guys. Maybe I am a little spoiled. I was an only child and my dad was very attentive to my mother and me. He always noticed what we wore, how we fixed our hair, etc. And he always complimented us on it.
I remember going shopping with my mom. We would always come home and lay out everything we bought to show him. Sometimes we even modeled it for him. He was interested in what we had going on and that made us feel special.
Now, when I go shopping my husband has to sit through my parade of items and pretend he is interested in what I bought because I NEED him to give me that positive feedback. Luckily, he understands this and does it with a smile.
(By the way, he makes sure to show me he’s engaged in what we are doing my making comments about my purchases. And I show my appreciation for his attention by not dragging the process out forever.)
It’s a win/win situation for everyone because I am thrilled and he is earning points with me (figuratively speaking).
So how to show love to your wife? Give her quality time with your undivided attention. Block off time in your planner if you have to. This will make her feel important to you.
You spend time on things that are important to you, right? Sometimes it is a good idea to take stock of how you spend your time. Do you spend enough time with her now? How much time is spent at work or with your buddies? So how much time do you spend with your wife (and I’m talking about quality time here)?
Okay, let’s say you just evaluated the current amount of time you allot for your wife and decided it was lacking. Let’s see how we can take care of the common problems men have getting in that quality time.
We Don’t Like To Do the Same Things
Easy. Take up a new hobby that both of you will enjoy. You might have to try a few different things before you find the right fit, but think of it as an adventure! Trying new things is fun. Let’s say you like riding motorcycles and she likes traveling to see new things. You can take your Harley on a road trip to see the national forests. It’s a win/win situation. If you put two adult brains together you can come with endless ideas.
My Friends Will Think I’m a Wimp
Oh, grow up! Your friends don’t keep you warm at night, she does (or she will if you will be nice to her). Besides, real men take care of their families, not their friends.
I Don’t Have Time
I am going to assume that most men with this problem fall into the “too much time at work” category. Okay, let’s evaluate. What would hurt most: losing your job or losing your wife? There’s your answer.
Consider your options. Change positions, change companies, change careers – there are always alternatives when you are willing to consider them. If none of the above are possible for you, then find another way to carve out time for her. Give up some sleep time if you have to, but find time for her or one day she will have NO TIME FOR YOU.
She Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With Me
This is the most difficult one to overcome. If you are at this point, then you will need to make some special effort to get back in her good graces. It doesn’t matter how you got there or whose fault it is. You can be the one to initiate the solution.
It’s time to sit down and have a good heart to heart talk. (Something as simple as printing this article and telling her you want to try some of this stuff will probably get things rolling.) If she is shut down and doesn’t want to talk to you, then ask her point blank what you can do to make her want to talk to you about it. (It might also be a good time to get some marriage counseling. Don’t feel bad about it. More people go to counseling than you think.)
Another great idea is to present her with a tool that shows you are ready to fix the problems in your relationship. Then you should follow through by using this tool together. Here are a some suggestions to get you started.
How to show love to your wife? Prove to her that she’s worth the time and effort!
Okay, guys. Now go show your girl how much you love her!
by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org