Get your wife back – that sounds like an easy thing to do. However, it may easier said than done. If you are reading this article, then your wife has probably told you that she wants a divorce or that she is leaving you. Ouch! All you can see is that life as you know it is about to change forever. If there are children involved, then the transition will be even more difficult.
No matter how hopeless things may seem, this is not the time to give up. Many couples are able to reconcile and live a happy life together, even after a divorce is final. In fact, sometimes it takes that drastic step for two partners to begin to mend the things that are broken. These specific steps can help you get your wife back and give you the happy relationship you need.
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1. Have You Been Listening?
The Number 1 reason why women want out of marriages is because their husband don’t listen to them. Let me say that again…the NUMBER 1 REASON that women want out of marriages is because their husbands don’t listen to them!!!
Many people think the biggest reason for divorce is money, but that’s not actually true. In fact, when women over spend, it is often to fill the void due to lack of communication with their husbands. They NEED intimacy. Intimacy to most men equals sex, but to most women it is everything else besides sex. THAT is what puts them in the mood for sex.
Maybe you THINK you have been listening, maybe you even pretended to listen, but now is the time to be truly honest with yourself. Did you REALLY listen to her or tune her out? Because trust me – she knows the difference.
Everyone wants to be understood, right? We all want to connect to another person and want to be appreciated. She wants you to listen to her without interrupting or trying to offer solutions. She justs wants to get it all out and have you be sympathetic. More often than not, women would choose their husbands over any of their girlfriends for their very best friend. Did you get that? She wants YOU to be her best friend.
So here is what you do. Invite her to talk to you. Say something like, “I would like to hear your side of the story. I promise I will not interrupt or get upset. I will calmly listen to everything you have to say for as long as you want.”
Most women will jump at the opportunity to talk to their husbands with these terms, so be ready to keep up your end of the bargain. And really listen to what she tells you without judging her in any way. Maybe you will not agree with what she says, but remember women are different from men. Also, communication has probably not been great with the two of you recently, so there may be many misunderstandings on the table right now.
2. Be Willing To Make Changes
Once you get everything out in the open on her side, then you can tell your side. You will probably see things in a whole new light once she is finished. It’s amazing how differently two people can look at the same situation, especially when it’s a man and a women (they are from different planets, you know).
Now, sit down with her and ask what things she would like to see changed. Find out what the perfect situation would be for her. Chances are that if you have listened to her as described above, she will will be open talking to you about this as well.
Take notes and show her you are serious. Write down an actual plan for restructuring your marriage. This will show her that you are committed to getting her back and keeping her back.
3. Be Honest About What You Want and Need
Now it’s your turn to be honest about what you need too. Tell her what she can do to help you help her. Guys have needs too, and you cannot ignore yours or this whole plan will not work. Anytime two people live together they are going to do things that irritate each other, so let her know what she does that irritates you. EVERYTHING needs to be on the table, on both sides. Remember, all this needs to be done calmly, without any pointing fingers. It is what it is and no one is trying to keep score.
4. Propose Dating For Awhile
This is a very romantic notion and she will love it. Dating involves being pursued, and what person doesn’t enjoy that? You can date whether you live under the same roof or not. Just remember, your goal is to dazzle her again, so give her the full treatment.
5. Promise To Set Aside Twenty Minutes a Day For Her
This may not sound like a big deal to you, but she will be totally thrilled. With this promise you are committing to sit down with her for twenty minutes EVERY DAY and really listen to her. You can both talk about your day and connect in a way that you probably haven’t in a long time. In fact, you probably start to look forward to these daily times yourself after a time. It is best to set the same time each day for this activity. Just after you both get home in the evenings or just before bedtime are two excellent times.
6. Do One Nice Thing For Her Everyday
Thirty Days of Gratitude is one thing that can really kick this off for you. It is totally free, but will make a huge impact on your relationship. That is something you really want at this point. You can also use the Points Calendar for innovative ideas to help you dazzle her everyday.
Following these steps should get you a good start on reconciliation, but you have to keep working on it. Any good relationship takes some work; love alone will not do it. If you need more intense help than this, please visit The Magic of Making Up for a step by step plan to get back your love and your life.
So go get your wife back now!
by Angela Christian Pope aka Angela Monahan @ ModernRelationship.org